Why a bride needs a mom...

My mom and I have always been close, but it seems that since Mark and I were engaged we've spent even more time together. She's taught me so many things and steered me away from so many bad choices and I know I'll never be able to repay her wonderful words of wisdom and kind advice.

A Bride needs a Mom...

...to tell her she's beautiful even though the mirror seems to suggest otherwise

...to reassure her she's found "the perfect dress"

...to help her buy the expensive veil that perfectly matches her dress

...to say "Are you sure about that?" as she contemplates bright orange dresses

...to squeeze into a crowed store and model dozens of diamond tiaras

...to notify her that the shoes she's fallen in love with make her toes bleed

...to tell her to "calm down" when things don't go her way

...to make funny faces in a dressing room mirror to lighten the mood

...to tell her that she shouldn't care what others think as long as she's happy

...to share laughter, tears and hugs

...to remind her that procrastination gets you no where

...to convince her to splurge

...to share a meal and a few gigglts at Old Country Buffet

Most of all, a bride needs a mother to serve as a role model. The one person she wants to become, the perfect example of a wife and mother. A bride needs a mother so she knows she's loved.

Tuxedo

Of course, we like to keep things local if possible so we've ordered the tuxedos for our wedding from Schmidt's Clothing Store here in Chilton. We visted a bunch of rental places in the Appleton area and got some ideas of what we liked before we ordered.

In the end, we chose platinum vests for the groomsmen with platinum striped ties and a white vest/striped tie for Mark. Our dads will have the same design with the striped tie and plain vest but will wear a Claret color instead of the platinum.

Oh, we're also going with the square toed shoes for comfort...and because most of our guys have pretty gigantic feet!

Here are fabric samples of the ties we chose, obviously the platinum is on the left and the white on the right:

The guys will all be fit sometime in August...and the lady suggested that they come sober. Good luck with that!

Mark's Wedding Band SAGA

The wonderful world of wedding planning is fraught with difficult decisions. Linen or lace? Band or DJ? Chocolate cake or vanilla? As with every other choice, finding the perfect "manly" wedding band for my soon-to-be-husband was an exhausting quest filled with drama and negotiation.

It all started about a month ago when my sweetie decided he wanted to go to....The Mall. As Mark is petrified of any establishment that houses perfume, clothing, cookware or books, (he knows I get sucked into those places and never leave!) I jumped at the chance to take him to my sanctuary!

Turns out he was interested in one thing - finding a nice (a.k.a. CHEAP) wedding band for himself. Though I was disappointed to bi-pass The Gap and Bath and Body Works, I was also eager to check off another item on our extensive Wedding To-Do List. So, I allowed Mark to drag me to every jewelry counter in the mall where we looked at the exact same rings over and over again trying to find the best price.

Let me take this opportunity to explain the way he works. Mark likes nice things. He likes them even better if they come with "his" price tag...in essence, Mark likes to do things the economical way. Don't get me wrong, Mark's frugal ways have saved us hundreds maybe even thousands of dollars over the years as he's used his fine negotiating skills to wear down even the toughest salesmen. His methods are all fine and dandy, but most jewelers aren't used to negotiating their prices. As many of them refused to budge more than a few dollars, my fiancee had to change his tactics.

At one jewelry establishment my strong, confident fiancee walked up to the counter and said, "I want to see that ring and I want it for $230. If you can't do that I'm walking out." Astonishing, right! He eventually got his ring at Rogers and Hollands where it was orginally marked $399 + an additional cost for sizing. Mark worked a deal that included a lifetime warranty and the sizing for about half the original cost!

Here it is:

He picked up the ring yesterday and wore it home to "get the feel of it, Dani!" and has dubbed himself a genius and recently started patting himself on the back, commending his fine negotiating skills.

I'm proud of him too, but mostly for handling a tough case of what he calls "hypothermia" (err...claustrophobia is the word he's looking for!) and for allowing me to drag him into "that smelly place" (aka Bath & Body Works) and that "place for the hot chicks" (aka Victoria's Secret).

Of course I'm also thrilled to have one less to-do item on my list. Next up...Tuxedo Drama.

What happened to the dowry?

*This is an article I wrote for the 2007 Bridal Section of the Chilton Times-Journal. Thought I'd post it for those who don't subscribe! Enjoy!

There’s no doubt that wedding traditions have changed over the years. Rice tossing has become an environmental hazard, dowries are a thing of the past, and brides have steadfastly refused to abide by the ritual of wearing a silver sixpence in their shoes.

As wedding magazines, boutiques and shops offer the modern bride and groom hundreds of unique options for their special day, I can’t help but wish for simpler times. Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by “crucial” details for my upcoming wedding- should we monogram and color coordinate our guests’ dinner napkins? Which cufflinks best match the pattern of the tuxedo vests?

When my parents were planning their wedding nearly 25 years ago, their biggest concern was whether the polka band they hired should play the “Pennsylvania Polka” or the “Beer Barrel Polka” during the grand march. For my grandparents, who were married almost 52 years ago, there was a heated debate over whether or not they should adopt the bold, new practice of garter tossing during their November nuptials. Choices for the modern bride are not so easy.

As my fiancee and I struggle to iron out the details of our wedding, we can’t help but feel concerned about the cost, though we long ago came to the conclusion that our wedding would not be cheap. Mark is the youngest of nine children and our extended family and many friends have helped balloon the guest list to nearly 350. I’m even more nervous about our impending bills after perusing a wedding budget Web site (www.costofwedding.com) which predicts that the average Appleton area couple will spend nearly $27,000 on their dream wedding; a far cry from the $3,700 my parents coughed up for their big day.

While I realize that the cost of living has gone up over the years, the receipts from their October 23rd wedding are enough to make me green with envy. In 1982 a first class postage stamp cost $0.20, tuxedo rentals were $60 and my mom shelled out just under $300 for her long sleeve, ball gown dress and veil. Her diamond engagement ring set my parents back $399 and their five-piece polka band charged $275 for the entire evening.

Though it must have seemed a fortune then, the price tag on my grandparent’s November 12, 1955 wedding today would barely cover a semester’s tuition at a Wisconsin university. Grandma, who made $1.04 an hour at a local shoe factory, chose a $100 off-the-rack regal brocade satin dress with a Queen Anne collar and carried red roses and a prayer book down the aisle to wed my grandfather. Their wedding album is filled with black and white photographs of a three piece orchestra that serenaded guests for $50 an hour while they enjoyed home-cooked pork roast and chicken, courtesy of a few helpful neighbors.

In comparison, our reservation receipts tell a much different tale. Our deejay service charges nearly eight times the price my grandparents doled out for their orchestra and let’s just say that $300 would pay for about half of my embroidered satin gown.

With a large guest list that includes several growing teenage nephews, we’re expecting a pricey reception. We weren’t, however, expecting everything else to be so expensive. I nearly fell out of my chair when I learned that the cost of printing our invitations and reply cards would easily pay for my soon-to-be-husband’s wedding band. I was also shocked to learn that several area tuxedo rental shops actually get away with charging up to $40 for a pair of black shoes and that many photographers have the gall to charge extra for black and white photographs.

To calm our fears and put things into perspective, Mark and I have done our homework and learned a thing or two over the last two years that have helped us shave nearly $2,000 off the overall cost of our nuptials. Most recently we decided to print our own invitations on our home computer, knocking nearly $250 off our budget. A few months ago, I enlisted the help of my talented and crafty aunt who has agreed to arrange silk flowers for the bouquets, boutonnieres and corsages. We’ve also saved considerably by choosing local vendors - cake baker, reception hall, photographers, church etc.- who not only provide great services but are willing to negotiate prices and terms.

Yes, wedding traditions have changed. They’ve become more modern, more tedious and more expensive. While my wedding photos will surely come with a larger price tag and won’t feature a jolly man with an accordion tucked under his arm or bridesmaids dressed in blue velvet, my hope is that the pictures will show the same emotions captured in the leather bound albums displayed in my parents and grandparent’s homes. My dream wedding doesn’t incorporate the latest in wedding trends or the flashiest table setting - I just hope for a few laughs and a lifetime of memories shared with my closest friends and family. On second thought... a dowry wouldn’t hurt either

Gettin' Crafty

Alright, ok I'm the first to admit...I'm a sappy kind of gal. I believe in happy endings, love at first sight, fate - the whole ball of wax. Because of my sappy nature, I firmly believe that someone, somewhere was looking down on me and decided -"That girl is destined to work at Kaytee during her winter break." Not being one to tempt fate, I've dutifully accepted my assignment at the bird seed manufacturing/packaging plant with just a teensy weensy bit of complaint.

It wasn't until about a week ago that I realized just why I was called to work in the land of bird seed. (For those of you who don't know...I have a very irrational yet horribly paralyzing fear of birds so this is no easy task for me!) As a newly hired Flex Staff (temporary) employee, I was forced to work on the mind numbingly boring "sock line" in which I, along with two or three other workers, fill tiny mesh bags with Finch food and place them in a box. Very repetive. Very boring. Trust me.

Anyway, after three or four days of sock filling I could literally feel the brain matter (the part that is college educated) turn to mush. I did what any rational human being would do - I struck up a conversation. Turns out I was working with my mom's co-worker's wife (got that?) who had just helped plan and organize both of her daughter's weddings in the last year. This wonderful woman (a.k.a. Jerilyn Fochs) is quite crafty!

As Mark and I have been stressing out over the cost of our impending wedding, I was ready and willing to learn any tricks she'd learned in all that wedding planning. Turns out she had the perfect idea for cost effective and gorgeous wedding invitations! She brought an extra invitation that she had helped her daughter Mandy make for her wedding a few months ago and I absolutely fell in love with the simple, yet beautiful design!

The basic design includes sheer paper over white (which features the wedding information and will be printed on my computer) and is tied together with a pretty ribbon and a beautifully ornate "B" stamp. Since Mandy married a man with the last name "B" she has graciously offered us use of her stamp during the invitation making!

I am so thrilled to have found an economical way to announce our impending nuptuials and cannot thank Jeri enough for the idea and for helping me work through all the details! Since I was already sold on the idea, I decided I might as well venture to Hobby Lobby to get an idea of just how economical this project would prove to be.

So, mom and I went last weekend to price the supplies and found (much to our delight) that Hobby Lobby was having a 50% off sale on all paper goods! FATE! So I purchased all of the materials to make nearly 200 invitations for $20! I found ribbon that closely matches the color of my bridesmaid dresses and bought four packs at Super*Walmart for $3 and Office Max had the fancy envelopes I needed on sale for $4.50 per pack of 50!

I'm very excited to see the finished product and cannot wait to host "invitation craft day" at my apartment in a few months to assemble them. Just goes to show you - sometimes you've gotta let fate take a hand in all you do. Even if what you're doing is endangering your life by working near bird food!

Marriage Counseling/Retreat

Mark and I recently had the extreme pleasure of joining 20 other bleary eyed couples on an all day marriage retreat that is required of all soon-to-be newlyweds.

Trust me, we both could have easily(off the tops of our heads)listed about 1,459 things we'd rather have done on a Saturday morning. Tops on my list was reorganizing the refrigerator, scrubbing the bathroom toilet and whipping up a delicious batch of brownies. Mark's list of "things-I-could-be-doing-if-I-didn't-have-to-sit-on-a-hard-folding-chair-talking-about-God-for-seven-hours" included watching a Badgers game, drinking beer, playing cards and eating a bratwurst.

Needless to say we weren't thrilled...but it was required so we had no choice! I knew the day was going to be a blazing success when Mark stopped at a gas station enroute to the UW-GB campus to pick up a Snapple and a tube of Pringles chips. (Wonderful breakfast eh?) I gently "chided" him on his eating habits which resulted in my adoring, loving, wonderfully sensitive fiance' accusing me of "nagging!" We put the incident behind us and concentrated on enjoying the scenery and navigating the tricky Green Bay road construction.

While we weren't technically lost, we did managed to pass the same exact strip mall (which featured a red sign that said "Vaccuums For Sale!" - so I knew it was the same place) about 3 times before he finally took my advice and turned left.

Though we found the campus easily enough, we couldn't for the life of us find the Ecumenical Center. Another small arguement and 15 mintues later I suggested pulling over to read one of the "You Are Here" billboards that were strewn about the campus. With a huff, Mark pulled the car over and I hopped out to find out exactly where "here" was. Ah ha! I trotted back to the car and happily told him, "We just have to follow a squiggly line and take a left at a bunch of bushes. About an inch later we'll see a newly constructed building and if we go through the little stop sign we should see it right there!"

Mark rolled his eyes, put the car in gear and lurched toward the squiggly line...er...road. With approximately 42.6 seconds to spare we finally found the Ecumenical Center and filled out the registration form. Mark, afraid to show any sign of affection in a room filled with "Godly" people, sat about 10 feet away from me and continued to scootch his chair a few millimeters everytime someone looked at us.

Surprisingly enough, the couples workshop actually wasn't that bad. Several couples in their late 20s/early 30s led the discussion with anecdotes about their young marriages and starting families. Most of the talk centered around managing finances and learning to forgive and forget and to "not sweat the small stuff." At intervals, we'd talk for a few minutes as a couple to discuss things like how we plan to discipline our children and which things we will do to keep the romance alive in our marriage.

The take-home message for me was learning to say "I" instead of "You" in arguments. For instance, if I was angry with Mark for leaving the toilet seat up I would typically say - "You drive me nuts! You're always leaving the toilet seat up!" Instead, I should say "Mark, I feel frustrated and upset when I accidently sit on the cold, hard porceline of our toilet seat. Could you please try to be more careful next time?"

Ok, not quite that sappy. But in any event, I did start to realize that the way I say things is often more important than what I say. We learned a little more about ourselves and in the end, came to the conclusion that the recipe for a happy marriage is:

A lot of love, mixed with a heap of trust, a pitcher of forgiveness, a dash of romance and a pinch of faith. Though we're not "holy rollers" (as my dad would say!) we do believe in a higher power and the value and healing power of church and togetherness.

We received our certificate for surviving the retreat and headed to our car. Still smiling about the wonderful bonding experience Mark and I had just had and the lessons I learned, I slid into the car and fastened my seat belt. I looked at Mark, Mark looked at me. In a true testiment to our relationship, we said in unison ... "We need a drink!"

My Tiara/Veil

As you know, the good people at David's Bridal suckered me into buying a very very expensive veil. Yes, yes me- the woman who hated veils up until three months ago- broke down and bought an overpriced yet oh so beautiful veil.

While I couldn't say no that, I could easily turn down the offer to purchase a $390 tiara from the David's Bridal selection. Instead, my mom and I ventured to the cramped, crowded accesory store that is Claire's. There I purchased a gorgeous tiara and "diamond" bracelet for grand total $13.99!

Two weeks ago we went to Hobby Lobby in Appleton and purchased all the flowers for my Aunt Pat to make the bouquets, boutineers, corsages etc. She will be a busy lady...I counted that we need nearly 95 different flowers including the little corsages/boutineers for Mark's 25 nieces and nephews! Pat will have a busy winter but I can't thank her enough for helping us make our day special. I know she will do a great job and I can't wait to see how everything turns out!

Engagment pics!

They're kinda blurry because I may have accidentally, illegally scanned them from our proof book. But anyway...here are a few of our engagement pics...cute eh?

My Dress!

My mom and I ventured to David's Bridal in Appleton on Friday, Sept. 15. I wasn't expecting much of a place that advertises $99 dresses in a size -0, but I was pleasantly surprised! An incredibly funny, down-to-earth woman (Cheryl) actually wearing clothes larger than a hankie, took me over to see the dresses.


I chose two to try and got to pick out a cute pair of shoes while she found the slip and bra to go with the dress. Oh my, the "bra" was a wonderful invention with a built in corset and support...quite possibly the most comfortable thing I've ever worn.


Anyway, Mom sat down in a little chair while Cheryl and I went into the tiny tiny fitting room. A few minutes and a little tugging later and I was wearing the dress of my dreams!


Unfortunately I can neither describe or post a photo of the dress because prying eyes (Mark Leo Breckheimer!) will surely sneak a peek and ruin the suprise. Suffice it to say, there wasn't a dry eye in the store when I walked onto the podium with that gorgeous dress. I felt like a princess!


Cheryl fitted me with a headpiece and veil which were absolutely gorgeous...but way too expensive! My mom fell in love with the veil and offered to give me $100 toward the veil, which was $125, because she really wanted me to have it.


I bought that wonderful dress for nearly $200 less than I budgeted as well as the veil, corset/bra and slip and I will be going to pick them up in two weeks. Hoorah! I can't wait to see Mark's expression when I walk down the aisle toward him and our future. Oh great, I'm getting teary eyed!


Just a little more than a year to go...I couldn't be happier!!